maybe ill use this again, im sure that nobody reads it anymore, maybe thats alright with me. its getting cold out and that brings back every december memory i have ever had at once. its a strange thing being back now. everythings i move through is just so thick. its weird to live for the future when ive spent so much time in the now. i was trying to explain it the other day but to be so surrounded by love and to be where i am now is so strange. its the same world nothings changed it just seems like the sun is gone and im bumbling around in the shadows. im not missing out or anything, nothings really gone its just like nothings really illuminated anymore, not like it was. i dont know how to explain it, i guess its somewhat curious to me all of a sudden why im trying so hard to here on this stupid deadjournal of all places. the mysteries of the universe are infinite to me, i suppose.